Ooh, Silly Life. So Unpredictable, Yet So Beautiful.

    Over the course of the past year, I have been evaluating my life. (I know, not a very normal thing for a teenager to do, but hey.) First of all, I've noticed for the first time how fast life actually goes by. When I was little, I always thought the old people were just crazy when they told me that I needed to have fun and enjoy childhood. I couldnt wait to get older and become a teenager. My younger child years are now over, and I find myself looking back and wishing I hadn't waisted so much time waiting for the future. Now that I've realized this, I try to not look forward to things as much or think about the future as often as I once did. I used to dwell on what was to be, instead of living in the presant but this last summer taught me some very valuable life lessons. Actually, last summer changed my life. I met new people that, even though they have no clue, taught me things about myself I never knew. They changed my life. They dont know this now, nor will they ever, but I always will. I often find myself thinking about them at the most random times. Quite a bit actually. I find it funny how they dont even have a clue about how much they impacted my life. Because of these two people, I'm a totally different person. They finally made me realize that I'm not as worthless as I used to think, and I am just as good as I make myself. They taught me that if I believe in myself and take a chance, that good things will happen in return. They didnt mean to, they dont even know, but I do and that's all that matters. Even though they thought we were just having fun and hanging out, they taught me so much. Funny how life works that way, huh? Now, almost five months later, we dont talk often, but they will always be in my heart. I never imagined in a million years that two simple people would teach me so much, unintentionally change my life, but they did. Ok, so this wasnt supposed to be about that at all, but it feels good to finally get that out of my system lol! Well, anyway, the second thing I've noticed while evaluating my life, is that it's totally unpredictable. People have suddenly brought themselves into my life that I've always known, but never really payed much attention to. Some of these people have become my really good friends in a short period of time. There was one really good friend that I made a couple of months ago that I had heard my friend talk about a lot the past couple of years, but I never expected to be friends with him myself. Some how, we started talking. We talked for almost two months, and then we started DATING! Now, I'm not going to lie and say it was wonderful becasue we only dated for three days, but still. My point is that the strangest people can come in and out of your life before you even realize it. Life is strange if you think about it. I always used to think I had a boring life where nothing ever happened, but now I realize that I was wrong. My life is crazy, hectic, insane, but most of all, is beautiful. It's beautiful because it's mine, and there is no one else that lives a life exactly like it. It's unique and sometimes painfull, but over all wonderful. If you wish, sometime just look around and think about yours. Think about all the strange parts of it that you never had before. Think about the people in it, how they got there. Sometimes when you take time to sit back and reflect on yourself, you discover things that you never saw before. It can be scary at first, but then it becomes an interesting habbit. Sometimes when it's quiet or I'm alone, I like to reflect on what's going on around and what new things about my world I have never thought about before. It's definitely worth the time.

A Letter To You

       Has there ever been a time when you've really wanted to say something to someone, but you couldn't say it to their face? Something like "I love you" perhaps? Or anything, really. I've been there many times. Not necessarily "I love you" but different things. I've found that it is really helpful to write that person a letter, even if you don't ever plan on giving it to them. It gives your mind peace, as if you said it to them rather than just wrote it down on a piece of paper. 
       I'm a writer by nature, so I write quite often. Sometimes, when I don't know what else to write I'll write a letter to a random person that pops in my head, even if there's nothing specific I want to tell them. Sometimes I give it to them. and other times I just keep it for myself. I have a baggie full of letters I never gave to people in my desk drawer! This is just an idea that might help you clear your mind. I know it works for me!

Heros

   So, I've been watching the show "Heros" lately. Ever seen it? If not, you should definately check it out. I love it! It's about a bunch of people that all have different powers and are teaming up to save the world while also running from a crazy killer named Sylar who's main goal is to kill all of the "special" people so he can take their powers. It sounds super nerdy, and I have to admit, it is...but it's amazing!

   I was sitting at my desk tonight imagining which power I would like to have and I cant quite decide. There is a police officer (A.K.A Matt Parkman) who can read minds. It helps him do his job by letting him be able to tell if a person is guilty or not. I think that would be an amazingly cool power. I could do a job like that and help the world while using it for my own good as well. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to tell what people were thinking about you? Sometimes what you would hear would be hard to take, but I would rather know the truth. Everything wouldnt always be bad though. It would be fun to hear the good things people think that go unspoken. I would probably listen to people's thoughts all the time, even if they wernt about me. It would be really interesting hear what people think about when they dont think anyone else knows. I feel bad for anyone that could hear my thoughts! (not that they're bad, but definately confusing)

   Another power I think would be awesome is regeneration. Claire Bennete on "Heros" is able to do this. It lets her go into dangerous situations, like burning buildings, to save other people. It's almost impossible for her to die. It's not that I dont want to die, because I would love to go to heaven someday, but I dont want to go any time soon. It would be cool to have it untill I got to the age when people are suppossed to die. Then I would gladly give it up.

  Nathan Petrelli is able to fly. I would love to do that as well because it would make me feel free. I can remember when I was really little always wondering how the birds felt when they were flying. It has always fascinated me. There would be several advantages to this, such as not having to face rush hour traffic when your trying to be somewhere on time (I live in a little town in Missouri so I dont have to worry about this, but it would still be nice to have that option if I ever went to a city) Also, you would never have to fly on public planes if you're one of those people that are worried about terrorist attacks. Plus, it would just be fun!

Goodbye 2011, Hello 2012!!

   Well, it seems as though a new year has gone by yet again within the blink of an eye. Man, time sure does go by fast! Sorry I havent posted for awhile, my life has been hectic the past couple of weeks. Not a bad kind of hectic, but definately hectic. I had the honor of being in my cousin's wedding on new years eve, and lets just say I definatelly partied it up afterwards! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I Am The Girl...

   I am the girl you see with a book in her hand every chance she gets. I am the girl who loves music almost as much as herself. I am the girl who puts others first, the one who loves the Lord more than anything and will stop at nothing to keep her family safe. I am the girl who tries to do what's right, always tells the truth, and worries a little bit to much. I am the girl you can trust with all of your secrets and know in your heart that I wouldn't say a word.  I am the girl that tries hard not to care what people think but doesn't always succeed. I am the girl who loves to write, the girl that has an imagination bigger than the world itself. I am the girl who is always thinking, even in her sleep. I am the girl that sits in class daydreaming out of the window with thoughts running through her head that no one else could decipher. The girl who thinks outside of the box. I am the girl who is only me, the one thing that I try to be. I am me.

Buried Alive

    I could hear the muffled sobs of my friends and family through the closed wooden door that kept us apart.
 Dont Cry.  I tried to tell them, but my mouth wouldn't move. I'm not dead I promise! I knew that, but they didn't. Everyone else thought my soul had departed itself from my body and made its way to a new place, but I knew differently. I knew were it really was, the truth. It was still tucked away inside my body, the same place it had been for the past fifteen years of my life. My body, on the other had, was somewhere it had never been before. I was being forced to attend my own funeral, but my heart was still beating. In fact, the longer I laid in that coffin, the harder it began to beat agains the walls of my chest.
    "Not my baby! She was to young to die!" I wasn't dead! What about this did they not understand?
    "It's ok. She's in a better place now."
    No Dad, I'm not! I"m still here, right in front of you! Would he miss me? Would anyone miss me?
  I felt a tear roll down my cheek. Maybe someone would see that I was crying! Maybe they'll realize that I'm alive!
  No such luck. NO one noticed. I tried to move my arms, even just a little, but nothing happened. I tried to say something but only I could hear it.
  Please! Help me! I screamed, but only I could hear it.
    My coffin started to move. They were putting me in the ground.
  Again, I focused all of my energy on opening my mouth. It didn't work, I was doomed! I was going to be trapped, six feet under thousands of pounds of dirt, grass, and all things living. There was nothing I could do now, but I wouldn't give up. Soon it was going to be to late but I refused to die without putting up a fight.
  They were lowering me down now. My chances were almost up. I was terrified. Sad visions of death flashed through my head. I shuttered at the horrible thought of being stuck here in my own personal dungeon-like coffin.
  I felt myself hit the ground. An avalanche of dirt fell upon me like snow off a mountain in the middle of winter. I laid there, silently, for what seemed like eternity. Gradually, oh so gradually, I was finally able to move my body. I clawed with utter desperation, trying to escape.
  "Help me! Help!" I screamed. "I'm alive! Can anyone hear me?" I knew they couldn't. My voice echoed against the sullen walls of the box that contained me. I laid down my head in surrender. It was over. I was over. This is where I would lay, from now through eternity.

Heart Break Love

***NOTE: THIS IS JUST A LITTLE STORY I WROTE. HOPE YOU LIKE IT!! :)***


          She loved him. She had loved him her whole life. He was on her mind where ever she went. They were together most of the time, but when they wernen't, he was still in her head. No matter where she was, he was always there. Just like a song that wouldn't quit playing. Nothing he could do would ever make her stop loving him, but it might make it impossible. He made her feel valuable, he made her feel happy. No amount of time she could spend with him would ever be enough, not even forever. But it didn't last forever. SHe knew things would never be the same. Not between them, and certainly not for herself. He was a big part of who she was and without him, she would never be whole. She hadn't the foggiest idea of how to live her life without him. Was it even possible? She was broken and torn, not sure ho to be happy if he wasn't in her life. She'd force a smile on her face even though it hurt, because a sad smile was better than no smile at all.
         He loved her. He always would just like he always had. He'd known her for as long as he could remember, and she meant the world to him. More than anyone else he'd ever known. She had always done everything with him, given him the chance to live on the edge. With her he shared the best times of his life. She was the one that knew him better than anyone, just as well as he knew his own self. She had turned him into the man that he was just by loving him the only way she knew how. By keeping his secret, he knew that she was hurting and, in return, it broke his heart. He hated to see her in pain, and he couldn't stand that the reason was him. Guilt tore through his body like a fire burning in the forest. He knew his life would never be the same without her in it. He was forever broken, unmendable. He knew by ending it, he was doing the right thing despite the pain it forcedhim.
        Three years later, she found herself in her junior year of college. The initial sting of losing him hadn't disappeared, but turned into a never ending ache. She kept the smile on her face, determined to be strong but never willing to forget the boy she had once loved. Still loved. She would never know the truth. All she could do was hope and pray that one day maybe, just maybe, her knight and shining armor would come looking for her once again.
       He never imagined that this much later in his life he would still find her in his dreams as he lay asleep in bed at night. Just as he predicted, his life had not been the same without her. When she left, she took a big part of him that he wasn't sure he could ever get back. At times, he tried to deny it. He went as far as to try to hate her even though it was him that did wrong, but of course, it didnt work. No matter how hard he tried, his love for her would never fade. He culdn't take it any longer. He picked up his phone and ddialed her number. His stomach twisted and turned with every ring, but after what seemed like eternity, he heard silence, followed by a familiar "Hello?"